one of my most vivid memories is from when i was eight years old. my mom had just tucked me in to bed, and i said, “mom, i can’t help that i’m so boy crazy!” and my mom said something that made me feel awkward, but i don’t remember what she said.
(my eight-year-old journal is a work of art. it contains a daily list of the top five boys i liked, short stories, chunks of my guinea pig's hair, and unscramble games. concerning? most likely.)
as much as i hate to admit it, i’m one of those girls that always has a boyfriend. in high school, there was never more than a month between boyfriends until my senior year. i dated michael almost my entire freshman year of college, and then had Things with three zac/h/ks in five weeks before dating the zack i was engaged to.
the truth is, it’s kind of strange that i always have a boyfriend, because i much prefer not having a boyfriend. the last four boyfriendless months have been some of the best months of my life. it’s nice having someone who always cares, who will always listen and who loves nothing more than holding me. but sometimes it’s even nicer to live my life without worrying how it fits into somebody else’s, to just be amy without trying to be michael’s amy or zack’s amy or brad’s amy.
other things i like about not having a boyfriend include: leaving my phone in my room for an extended period of time without worrying about the negative repercussions it will have on my relationship, not skyping until [insert some ghastly late hour here that would disappoint my mother], spending my money on the things i want to instead of paying for half the dates or gas to visit the bf for the weekend, shamelessly checking out the guy who studies in the same place i do before computer programming, having time to go running, making plans for my future and setting my own personal goals without worrying about whether or not i’m getting married before i graduate, flirting with the hawties sitting next to me in class, and having time to actually spend with my friends.
someday i’ll have a boyfriend again. but it won’t be until i’m good and ready, and it won’t be until i’m ready to let somebody be part of me again. in other words, it won’t be for a long, long time. and i'm happy about that.
okay it’s time to get back to my homework. (which i’m not even complaining about. fer real.)
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