Monday, June 11, 2012

Thoughts on Marriage

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A lot of people are married. A lot of people that I know are married. I don't just mean people my age, I mean at church and in my home ward and at work and at school. A lot of people are married. And I've received a lot of advice about marriage, and about how to make my marriage the best it can be. I'm grateful for all of that advice, and I know I've only been married for a month and there's going to be a lot more to learn, but I think it can all be summed up in two words. Be nice.

Jason's best friend Egan married his cousin Megan (Jason's cousin, not Egan's cousin) the week after we got married. We went to a barbeque the night before they got married, and while we were there, Jason said to Egan's sister, "Your husband is looking so good! He's lost a lot of weight, hasn't he? He looks like he's been working out." Egan's sister got really excited and said, "You should tell him that! He's been working so hard! He would be so happy to hear that you noticed." I thought that was the sweetest thing. His wife was so proud of him, was so excited for him, and wanted him to be complimented and to feel good.

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On the other hand, a lady and her friend just walked past my office a few minutes ago. One of them was ranting, loudly, about how difficult it is to have to support her husband when he's lecturing their teenage son, when she wants him to deal with it differently and she just wants to "hit him across the head." I hear women complaining about their husbands a lot, about how they wish they would do something differently or act differently or be different. And I get that marriage is two imperfect people trying to be a team, and that it can't always be easy, and that you're going to see things from conflicting perspectives and want to do things in ways that just don't agree. But I don't think that's an excuse to trash-talk your husband.

I think it's perfectly, perfectly possible to never, ever say anything negative about your husband to him or to anybody else. And that's my goal. That's not only my goal, but my promise to myself. It's just not right. It's just not right because we are sealed for time and all eternity, and I don't want anything to ever, ever, ever get back to Jason that I don't mean for him to hear. Because I think he's wonderful and I want him to know that.

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And when it all comes down to it, I think the advice my Grandpa Jensen always gave is the best advice of all. A marriage, he would tell us, is for two people to both give one hundred percent. It's not fifty-fifty. It's not about "well, he did that so I'll do this.." It's just about treating Jason the way that I know he deserves to be treated, to make him feel like the happiest, most spoiled, well-taken-care-of, luckiest man alive.

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That's  marriage.


All photos via Angela McAllister Photography

2 comments:

  1. ahhh i love you two so much. i can't wait to tap into your wealth of knowledge on marriage when i come home from my mission and get married. you two look soo happy. and i love these pictures <3

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  2. Great post! Easier said than done. Wait till you've been married for a little while. Things get rough. I'm not saying it ain't possible. But don't expect perfection from your marriage or you will be disappointed.

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